You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
