My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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