i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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