I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
