I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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