When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
