It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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