my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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