It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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