i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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