I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
