i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
