Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize