You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
