okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
