I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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