I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
