She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
