i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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