Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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