I have demons in me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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