I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
