I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
