hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm like, not good at living.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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