I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
