She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
