The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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