I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
