I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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