We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
