Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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