When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
