didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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