How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
