Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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