im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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