It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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