i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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