Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
