I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
