It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
