I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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