Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I could make wine with my vomit
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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