we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
