I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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