i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
