Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
