oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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