this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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