He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
