Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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