So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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