Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
