he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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