i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
