i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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