break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
