gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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