Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
