The maid of honor just puked.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
