Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
