I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
