Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
