i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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