I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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