I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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