My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
