I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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